Alpha Males, anyone?

There's a funny e-mail that makes the rounds every few years or so that was supposedly written by some fed-up guys who wanted women to know "the rules" from a man's point of view. You know, so we'd know how men really think. The last time I read it, I realized that it's not so much funny as it is ... true.
I grew up with four brothers and it's pretty clear to me that guys just don't care about the same things women do.

When I'm reading a romance, I can usually tell when the author hasn't spent a lot of time around men. If the male character is too nice, too flowery, too thoughtful. You know what I'm talking about, right? it doesn't ring true. I'll usually put the book down and go find something with a little more meat to it.

That's why I like this list. I'm convinced it's how they think. I like to read it over whenever I'm trying to get into the mindset and attitude of my latest cranky alpha male.

So here they are.

The Rules

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. All men see only in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A COLOR! Pumpkin is also a fruit.We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will BE scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know that you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23. You have ENOUGH clothes.

24. You have TOO MANY shoes.

25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.





Cheers!

American Title III – Drum Roll, Please…

I didn’t make it to Round Four, my friends.

(A moment of silence…sniffle…I’ll be fine…)

Okay, seriously! I’m really good with this because look how far I got!! And it’s all because of my friends and family and the readers who clicked with my story, The Kama Sutra Chronicles, so thank you for your good thoughts and incredible support!! I’ve received priceless publicity and I’ve had great fun and met some wonderful new writer friends through this contest, so it’s truly a win-win for me.

The contest is still going on, so if you’d like to read the Dialogue Scenes from the Final Four contestants—and see the latest comments from our beloved snarky judges—please visit RomanticTimes.com

In the meantime, I’m posting my Dialogue Scene here since it will never make it to the magazine. Hope you enjoy it. And thanks again for your great support!! I love you guys!!!

Dialogue Scene - The Kama Sutra Chronicles

“So why the hell did you join a dating service?” Cane asked, then grimaced. He sounded like a jealous lover.

Gracie frowned. “Not that it’s any of your business, but after I broke up with Hubert, I wanted to find someone who was more willing to--” Her eyes widened and her cheeks turned rosy. "Never mind.”

He raised an eyebrow. “More willing to what?”

She blew out a breath. “Look, let’s get back to the point. I don’t have a twin sister. I’m an only child. I’m sorry this woman’s in trouble, but I can’t help you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I believe you.” He accelerated through an intersection.

“What?”

“I believe you.”

She sank back in the seat. “Thank you.”

“Doesn’t change anything.”

“Of course it does.”

“Nope. You could still pass for my agent’s twin. The mission’s still in jeopardy and so are you.”

“I don’t believe this,” Gracie whispered.

“So who’s Hubert?” he asked.

She whipped around. “What?”

Cane shrugged. “Just asking.”

She tightened her arms beneath her truly spectacular breasts. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re crazy.”

“Look, Graciella, it’s--”

“I told you not to call me that.”

He heard the snap in her voice and had to admire her spunk.

“Okay, look,” she said. “Maybe I am in mortal danger, but I’ll take my chances.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She straightened. “I want you to take me back to the Library.”

He checked the rear view mirror. “Sorry, babe. My mission takes priority over your wants and needs.”

“Your mission?” she said, her voice a mix of frustration and perplexity. “Just what is your mission?”

He stopped at a light and faced her. Damn, those warm whiskey eyes were going to drive him nuts. “You, Gracie. You’re my mission. God help me.”

I Told You It Was Cold!!

That's right, it SNOWED in MALIBU yesterday!!!!

Everyone mocks me when I tell them I'm shivering at my desk, wrapped in blankets with my space heater blasting. All right, yes, I live in Southern California, but we get cold here, people!!!

Okay, maybe it's not a bone-rattling freezing ice storm like my friend Christine Rimmer is experiencing in Oklahoma (stay warm, Chris!!) but it's pretty darn cold for us fragile California wimps. *g*

As long as it's so chilly, I hope everyone's staying warm inside, comfy and cozy on the couch, reading some good books. Maureen Child mentioned some of the books she's been reading, so I thought I'd mention a few of my latest choices.

I'm currently reading JD Robb's latest, "Born in Death" and can't wait for the new one next month. And I just finished Nancy Martin's first book in her Blackbird Sisters series, "How To Murder A Millionaire." Loved it! I stopped by the bookstore last night to buy the rest of the series. What's up next? Jennifer Apodaca's Sex on The Beach Book Club. Can't wait to read that one!

And just in case you didn't hear me the first time, it SNOWED in MALIBU yesterday!! Here's video proof!

Cheers!!

Susan Mallery is Squawking!!

Today and tomorrow, do not miss Susan Mallery guest blogging at Squawk Radio!!

Today she's talking about her pets. Okay, she's actually talking about pet poop! But she does it with such flair!

Tomorrow she's scheduled to talk about writing more while writing better. This is from her absolutely brilliant workshop on managing and scheduling your writing time. It's one of the best workshops I've ever attended. Don't miss it!

Cheers!!

I've been fighting off a cold all week, plus dealing with my office fire (see previous entry) and doing re-writes and preparing for my husband to leave town for a week (boo hoo, who will make my cocktails??). But I'm finally back and I've got a few little updates and news items.

First, an update on the fire in my office building. It was quickly contained but the chemicals used to clean up the mess and the huge fans necessary to blow the particles out of the air have been messing with my sinuses and throat and lungs (mine and everyone else's in the firm). We office workers (aka the little people) all agree that the Powers That Be should've closed the office for a week. Of course, the PTB never listen to the little people. *g* I'm hoping the three-day weekend will help get me back in fighting form!

Next, American Title voting will open up again next Monday, January 22. Come on back to see who made it into the final four!

Also, as you may have already noticed Deadline Diaries is closing down the blog due to more pressing commitments such as, well, deadlines! The good news is, you can still visit some of us regularly and get caught up on all the latest scoop. Christie Ridgway has started her own blog at Christie's Cabana, and of course, Maureen Child continues to blog here, and I'm still here and ready to kick it back into high gear.

Finally, be sure to stop by Squawk Radio this week to visit with guest blogger Susan Mallery. Maybe I'll see you there!

Cheers!

Fire!

I woke up Sunday morning to the news that a fire had broken out in an office of one of the twin towers in Century City. It took another few hours to find out that not only did the fire break out in my office building, it was in my office!

Thanks to the fast thinking of Abby Feinman (one of my law firm's partners) and the firefighters who responded so quickly to her 911 call, the fire was fairly well contained -- but the water damage from the automatic sprinkler system was extensive.

I had nightmares thinking about all my drenched files, but when I got to work Monday morning, I found out that the sprinklers didn't go off in my area. Whew. Unfortunately, the particles of soot and the chemicals used to clean up the mess forced our office to close at noon, so I got the afternoon off. Did I say unfortunately? *grin*

In googling for more information, I found out the LA Fire Department has a blog! You can read all about the fire here. I find it totally amazing that it took the combined efforts of 95 LAFD personnel to get everything under control. And within two hours, a clean-up crew was on the scene, taking care of the aftermath. It was very impressive.

A little too impressive, really, because I'm expected back at work today.

Sigh.

American Title Update ... and Books!

Voting for Round Three of the American Title contest has closed. The results are in. And I can't tell you anything!

Sorry to be such a tease. I can't say anything for three whole weeks. It's torture!!

So in the meantime, I've got a quickie review of a fabulous book I just finished.

Okay, RUN to your bookstore and buy this book!! Better yet, take the car! Go now. I mean it. Susan Mallery's Sizzling is wonderful!! I couldn't put it down, and that's no line. I laughed and I cried. That's no line, either. Reid Buchanan is simply the most wonderful hero, an ex-baseball star who finds himself the target of a disgruntled reporter who's written an article about him entitled "Good in Bed? Not so Much."

Lori Johnson is a heroine I can totally relate to. She's a nurse who's been hired to care for Reid's grumpy grandmother and ends up charming the entire household with her humor and down-to-earth charm.

You will love this book!! It's the third in Susan's Buchanan family saga and I'm waiting impatiently for book four! Don't miss the whole series!

Cheers!!